I am a human. Living in this world for survival. I believe that I have my own purpose, but until now it’s nowhere beyond my understanding. I ‘m trying to live with the society’s standards. I want to adhere to it, live in peace without any guilt but my own nature as a human contradicts the laid structure of its ethics. I want to live my life to the fullest, but every strand of my humanity tells me that I am bound to live a life amidst the cruelty of this world. I try hard to survive my own dilemmas. I strangle to fight and break free from the shackles of my own dark persona. I keep on trying to overcome my own weaknesses, but every time I try to make a step forward, an endless void appears before me; devouring my will to redeem myself. Today would be the start of another battle. A battle against me, against my own self, against the odds my own mind created. Hence, today I will start to lighten the burden of my heart. I will face the truth and bathe myself in light. To try in my own way how to live in life without regrets. Hence, I confess.
I confess about my sins. My sinful nature as a human, my imperfections that made me inclined to worldly desires. I confess all of those selfish desires, all those things that my eyes have seen, that my head welcomed without any second thought, that my darkness feed on to nourish itself. I confess that I let myself fall into the abyss of sins, with myself knowing that I would fall. I confess that due to my own insolence I am arrogant. I keep on believing that I would be forgiven and would be given another chance, but I set aside both things and continued on adhering to the call of my own desires. Hence, I confess.
I confess about my own desires, my carnal desires. I confess that because of these things I let my guard down and let the world feed on me. I was so naïve and carefree. I keep on telling my self that I won’t be swayed by what I see, by what I hear. I was totally blinded by my own belief, and let the prevailing trend consume on my curiosity. I confess that my lust has led me to a depth that I’m starting to break into pieces, that I am starting to be covered in darkness. I confess that it started to create an alternate universe inside my head, making an escape hub from the real world. I confess that I keep on living on vivid fantasies, fueled by my carnal desires and tried in vain to stop the expansion of the said universe. Today I will take a stand to take over my own self. To stop what I have to stop. To live in the real world with real people. Hence, I confess.
I confess about my weakness. My weakness that makes me a lowly pathetic human. I was given a brain to judge, a heart to decide. I was considered superior among all other creatures, but I am weak. I confess that I was considered superior but cannot prove that argument. I make decisions, make judgments and make some choices. I make all of them to live life the way I want it to be, but I end up empty and clueless of my very own life. I’ve been looking at life with various perspective, but cannot find my own purpose. I want to overcome my weakness, my inability to properly use my God-given talents to find my purpose. Hence, I confess.
I confess about my doubts, my agnosticism. I confess that there are times that I almost doubt the existence of the Divine. I confess that I only ask for His guidance when I need Him the most, when I have no one beside me to help me. I confess that I am arrogant at the same time ignorant, that my faith is easily swayed, that I don’t stand to what I see is right. I confess that as a human I keep on making excuses, that I make a senseless argument to make my sins just. I confess that I know the Law of the Divine, but tries to become ignorant to cover up for what I did wrong. I confess that I see people doing wrong, but I do nothing to tell them that what they did is wrong. I need to straighten my path in life. I need to have a promising relationship with the Divine. Hence, I confess.
I confess about everything that is in me that holds me to the path of being humane. I confess about everything that is in me that holds me to have a life with no regrets, a-not-so-perfect but contented life, a life that I wish I could live to the fullest. I confess everything that is in me that holds me to have faith not faltered. I confess that I make sins intentional or unintentional, but I am bind to become accountable to those sins. I want to know my purpose and I believe that this would be the first step in knowing that very purpose. Hence, I confess.
Photo: credits to the owner.
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