I get it. My complexion is a bit darker than other people's. In
different shades of brown, I stood on the darker side. People
usually notice the color of my skin whether I just met them for the
first time or after some time. On several occasion, I get ridiculed
for it, especially during my childhood years. When I grew up and went
to high school, things got even worse. My skin tone turned out to be
one of the reason of my growing pains as a teenager. I can still
remember the time when somebody sent me a hate letter, addressing me
as the "black man" of Freshman Eagle.
So much with the scorn tease at school, even some of my family
members make fun of me simply because I look darker than the rest of
the clan. For instance, during our family reunion, one of my titas
would make me sit beside my fair-skinned cousin just to emphasize
to everyone "how fair my cousin is." Of course, everyone
won't come up with that single conclusion in mind. They still looked
at me mockingly and I would feel like I am the darkest person alive.
I told myself that I've had enough when I went to college. So I
started applying all sorts of cream on my face, only to incite
hostility upon my facial pores. I would wake up everyday with a fresh
bunch of pimples that seemed to appear out of nowhere. The rest of my
day would become a total mess, with me becoming self-conscious every
minute because of those little devils spewing out secretions of my
sebaceous gland.
With things becoming worse, I stopped using those creams that are
supposed to turn my skin fairer and magically make me gwapo.
I'll just let my color be the way it is. After all, I don't want to
look like an endangered species of monitor lizard walking
around the school premises.
I managed to boost my self-confidence after accepting the fact
that having a dark complexion doesn't define the person you really
are. The color of your skin, no matter what it is, is not the measure
of your worth as a human being. I keep on repeating this to myself
every time people make sarcastic remarks on how dark-skinned I am. I
tried to stay cool. Though I still feel bad at times, I was able to
shake their comments off.
Fast forward two years after college, I was on board the training
ship Spirit of MOL. There, I met people of different nationalities
and culture. Russians, Ukrainians, Indians, Indonesians,
light-skinned and dark-skinned. Our group was so diverse in color
that even my classmates didn't bother to notice me at all. The shade
of anybody's skin never turned out to be an issue or an object of
derision.
My experience as a cadet on the training ship made me realize two
things on skin color and Filipino society. First, skin color is
merely a portion of genetic make-up that varies from one person to
another. It will never be the determining factor of your own worth,
or limit you to attain things in life. Second, Filipinos still revere
the idea of having a white skin. Majority still have obsession on a
whiter complexion and often equate it to beauty. Take it from
numerous ads on whitening products that never fail to catch the
attention of most people in our society.
I also noticed that it was my Filipino classmates who used to
tease me about my skin color before we were on the training ship but
it was my Russian classmates who appreciated my complexion. One of
them even told me that I should go to Russia, because girls would
definitely dig me there.
Our society may not teach us to be proud of our own complexion,
but I believe that we should uplift ourselves by not clinging to the
idea that having any skin shade will mold our own fate. It's not our
passport to success. What really counts is the unseen qualities of a
person that prompt him to act with such dignity and endeavor to
accomplish his dreams and live life to the fullest.
I still get some jokes on how dark I am. Nognog, charcoal,
tar, negrito, etc. I even receive funny gestures sometimes (my
friends would wipe their hankies on me every second week of January).
I don't get hurt, but when I think I had enough, I just tell them to
stop stating the obvious or check the color wheel pag may time.
Being who you are is awesome. That awesomeness includes all the
aspect of yourself, even your physical appearance or skin color. And
when my complexion becomes the main topic of any conversation, I
always express my pride of having a skin color that marks my Filipino
roots. That having a dark color, like any other color, is simply
awesome.
