I want to stay silent like I did the last time but I just can't.

I still feel bad of what I had said and done, but I keep on looking at the big picture: it's for the better.

I feel bad for having to decide to burn bridges and to let go of a new-found friend, a fellow who I shared same sentiments and interests. Whom I had planned to travel with. Whom I told that I could be with watching the starry night sky.

Maybe we started to look at things differently, or we already had since the beginning?

Maybe we blamed each other yet pointed at the Universe.

Maybe we tried reaching the speed of light and arrived at a point of no return.

You said that you are already happy and at peace in your own world, and then I came, disrupted it. You said that you are not angry, you are already tired. You thought I never cared at all.

True, I came to your world, but did you ever think I shared mine too? I opened up my doors, I also let you in. But what I did seemed to be never enough for you.

I decided to leave not because I didn't care. I thought that I might hurt you more if I will prolong the time for you to hope on something undefined and uncertain. I decided on things because you became part of my world and you mean to me as well.

Like what you thought, I was also looking forward to how things will unfold. I'm not numb, I can feel how others around me feel. But then you decided to trigger a catalyst, I was unable to respond immediately. I felt a lot of things. I was so overwhelmed that I had to get myself together before I can make a response without hurting someone. I felt that things seemed to be in rush, when we only spent countable times together.

I have hoped that little by little we can build a world with our circle of friends in it.

But perhaps, you valued time more than I, and I am not ready to receive a love I cannot immediately reciprocate.

Port Moresby,
February 2016

Throwback: My Week-long Mindanao Escapade

         I threatened my best friend that I will go right in front of his house if he refuse to reply to my emails and Facebook messages.  I resorted into telling him that because I was really clueless on what had happened to him and I just received news from one of my batch mates that he will no longer work on board a ship. I sent messages one after another expressing my concern, but all appeared to be just being read or "seen" like how they say it on Facebook. So, two days after telling him that I will actually go to Mindanao, he replied. He told me that he is currently facing some personal problems and he shut himself from the outside world. He told me what had happened, why he will stop pursuing his maritime career, and why he chose to go on hiatus for quite some time. After learning his current situation, I started my long reply of consolation with these words: "Anaknampotek, kelan ka natutong magdrama?!"
        Well, to cut the long story short, I really did went to Mindanao for the very first time. Since I will be spending a week there, I also took the opportunity to meet a friend who was my text mate for almost four years (This would also be the first time that I will be meeting her in person). I thought that since I'll be seeing both of them, it would be great if we can all have a get together, set our problems aside for the moment and experience the beauty of Mindanao. It would be hitting two birds in one shot. So, right after I disembarked my previous vessel, I booked a flight to Davao for the last week of September and spent few weeks first in Bicol then Manila while waiting for that scheduled flight.

That is one hell of a durian back there, amigo.